Motherless on Mother's Day

I have a love/hate relationship with Mother's Day!  I love that I get recognition for being a mom and step-mom, but I hate the reminder that I'm motherless on Mother's Day.  For those that don't know me on a personal level, you're probably wondering when my mother passed away.  Oh, my mother isn't dead, she lives about an hour away! You know those women who shouldn't have children because they lack anything motherly? Yup, I got one of those, so a few years ago I walked away from a toxic relationship with her.  I've spent years mourning a relationship I'll never have, with a woman who doesn't love me like a mother should.

Geez, enough with the pity party...

Along with my journey of figuring out how to live without a mother, I spent the last five years really thinking about what a "mother" really meant.  I came up with a list of characteristics that I would include in my ideal mother...compassionate, loving, strong, funny, supportive, and giving.  What I discovered is that I have women in my life that have all of those qualities, and although they're not my "mother", I could pull those things I yearned from each of them and fill the whole in my heart.   I have a fabulous group of women friends and family that give me advise when I need it, kick me in the ass when I need it, and love me when I need it.  Isn't that what a mother does?!  If you're an orphan, by circumstance or fate, look at the friends, aunts, grandmothers, sisters you have around you and appreciate the "motherly" traits they all bring into your life.   When you find those characteristics in those around you, you'll soon realize you are "motherless" in name only!

There is one woman I will wish a "Happy Mother's Day" to with an open heart; my mother-in-law! (Pretty sure the husband just passed out in shock:)  Oh, our relationship wasn't an e-harmony match from the start, it took a few years of figuring things out to earn her trust.  A little background is in order; I came in after ex-daughter in law #1 broke son #1's heart, betrayed their family, and took their three grandchildren out of state.  I had to earn my way into his family and just when I thought I had made strides in the right direction....ex-daughter in law #2 broke son #2's heart...and I took a couple of steps back again.

It took the birth of my son to understand that one day I would be in her shoes and have to deal with another woman raising my grandchildren, running my son's life, and figuring out boundaries for all of it.  I realized that my mom-in-law was looking out for me, I just had to open my eyes and see it.  The random gifts she buys my children, the notes in my birthday cards that demand I spend the money on myself, the help when my husband is away working...these are the ways she tells me she loves me and filling the shoes of the mother I don't have.

My Dad always told me, "we can't control others, but we can control our response to the situation".  You can sit around and feel bad for yourself that you're motherless or your mothers not perfect or that you got the cheesy teddy bear from Walgreens & ugly card because your husband ran out Sunday morning to buy your gift...or you can look around and appreciate the awesome women in your life and what each of them gives you.  And for those of you that have a great mother who loves you unconditionally with her whole heart, remember to hug her a second longer, tell her how much she means to you, and appreciate her!

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there who make my life wonderful:)