I was walking down the street, at about 8:00 am, the other day pushing the kids in the stroller when a vehicle passed us. I looked at the driver and smiled, she looked at me with disdain. I was taken back by her scowl and glaring eyes when I noticed her children in their car seats and her work attire. I could have certainly imagined it, but could this be a working mom judging me for what she assumed was one of those "stay at home mom's"? You know, the one's that go for peaceful walks with their kids, meet up with friends at the park, and have the life of leisure! Obviously, I could have completely misinterpreted her morning ugliness, but it got me thinking about the age old battle royale; working moms versus stay at home moms! As always, I'm putting on my hat of "self proclaimed expert" because I've done both.
When my daughter was born four years ago I was a corporate drone, ah, I mean "professional" doing my best to manage the 7-3:30 shift. For those of you out there that have always stayed home and don't understand how a mother can "let someone else raise their kids", here's a reality check of what it's really like. I can still picture the room I was standing in and the suffocating feeling of dread the first day I dropped my 12 week old baby off at daycare while I went to work. I cried before I handed her over, I cried all the way to work, and I cried at my desk for the next hour. I learned quickly that I had a full time day job and a full time night job! I cherished the short time I had with my daughter outside of work, but cleaning, cooking, and laundry still had to be done. Vacation days were a thing of the past, every paid day off I got was put toward a sick day, and when those ran out I hoped and prayed that the low grade fever was due to teething. Work was breathing down my neck to "do outside education, stay late, work on weekends". Besides work, I still had to maintain my marriage, friendships, step-children, family, and myself. Most of the time they got a fraction of the attention they deserved, but it was all I had after working to support my family. I would get a sick feeling on Sunday nights thinking about having to throw those balls back in the air on Monday morning and juggle all week hoping not stumble over the toys scattered on the floor and watch everything fall out of place.
When my son was born two years ago it felt like two children tripled the work in the house! About 6 weeks into maternity leave I sold the idea of staying home to my husband and we agreed to give it a try. Life would be peaceful, I would focus on my family, have play dates with other moms, and be a happier wife and mother. A reality check for you working moms...staying home isn't all rainbows and sunshine! I spent two years trying to figure out where to meet friends, in the office it was just a turn of my chair to look at the next cubicle to talk to someone. The first winter I spent stuck in the house for six months surrounded by mounds of snow and cold weather I felt a little Jack Nicholson in "The Shining"..."all work and no play makes Heather a CRAZY PERSON!". I texted and called my husband way more than what was acceptable which bordered on obsessive, insisted on his attention when he came home, and ran out the door on girls night once a month. Friends finally came, but so did the realization that I never got a break from my job! I was with them damn near 24/7 and because of that I became the go to parent for everything. My husband could be standing at the fridge and the kids would come find me to ask for milk. I used to have eight hours of kid free time, now I was lucky to get an hour a day while they napped. And contrary to popular belief, I don't eat bon bon's and watch "my stories" while the kids sleep; I clean, cook, pay bills, and anything else that goes into running a house. Some days involve play dates, cookie baking, and hugs and kisses, but there are days that include a ridiculous amount of fighting, crying, throwing up, runny noses, spilled milk, and "mom, mom, mom, mom, mom"!
Whether you work outside of the home or you're a self proclaimed domestic Goddess, being a mom is a tough job! Until you've walked in someone else's shoes keep your snide "you want someone else raising your children" or "oh, you don't work" comments to yourself, it only causes a greater divide among us, and don't we have enough to manage already?!
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