One Woman Wolf Pack

Up until I had my youngest son I spent almost 20 years in the work place having little difficulty making friends and finding my niche.  So, when I quit my corporate job filled with friends I was under the assumption staying at home wouldn't be any different.  Wrong again!  It's been almost 2.5 years and I still feel like I'm a one woman wolf pack searching for something or someone to connect with.  Yes, I've made a few friends, been to play dates, but never found felt like I completely fit in.  I questioned myself; is it me? is it them? is it my priorities?  is it my type A personality?  What the hell is it?  Why couldn't I find my place in this stay at home mom world?

I finally figured it out recently at my daughter's first field trip.  My four year old went to princess camp and on the last day they walked to the local nursing home to sing for the elderly women.  My daughter was dressed in her pink princess dress singing "You are My Sunshine" and while I wanted to cry with pure love and pride, I also had an overwhelming realization; this is what I quit my job for!  To have the opportunity to watch her sing in the middle of the day and to be with my kids and enjoy them.  It was eye opening to understand that they're my niche and I don't care if I don't have dozen friends and the approval of the other mothers, because at the end of the day none of that matters.  What matters most is my family!

I snapped out of my junior high scrunchy filled haze and realized I was a 36 year old woman who did not need to seek validation from anyone other than myself. Don't get me wrong, I like to socialize, but I'm not the insecure popular girl who needs to drag my kids from one activity to another so I can feel like I belong. I've found this grown up contentment enjoying entire days with my kids, being proud of a clean house, and ultimately taking care of my family.  My "ah ha" moment made me realize that I didn't need to look beyond my home to find the group I belonged to and my niche has been yelling "Mom" for over two years, I just needed to open my eyes to see it!